2009 is MMIX in Roman numeral system and inspired by the likes of Bejan Daruwala, I have tried to predict how this year looks like for some categories of people: Desi chefs, Desi movie script writers, Bankers and Others! Here is what my research says:
The Gods suggest Masala MIX. Whatever you cook, you shall have to mix masalas. For eg, if you cook Hyberadi biryani, please mix hyderabadi biryani masala along with kadaai chicken masala, tandoori chicken masala, dal makhani masala, chole masala and garam masala. The planetary arrangements begin to change from Jan 17th 6:14 am (GST) and shall have an impact on taste buds. Mixed Masalas shall carry maximum satisfaction index for your consumers. Make pan cakes for Peter people (i.e english speakers) as Pan is the Roman God of cooking. Buy a photo of Annapurna, the Indian goddess of cooking from me for $35 and send me an email with your credit card number (will be kept confidential, I promise). Otherwise you may incur her wrath and forget how to cook.
p.s: If your customers are South Indians and like to eat curd rice, give them More Milagai (MM), as MM Is X (X = most popular) for people coming from that part of India originally.
Desi Movie script writers:
In 2009, focus on the old mantra: ‘My Mother Is X’ (X implies unknown in Algebra). An example is:
Hero turns 25 years old and on his birthday, his mother is shot by baddies. Mom is about to die, but not before she rests her head on hero’s lap and blurts out, “Krishna, my son, I am only your Yasoda, go and meet Devaki”
Hero: “Who is Devaki, where is she and why did you not tell me before?”
Yasoda, “I had promised her never to tell you. She is, s..h..e i..s ….” Yasoda dies, hero cries and hunt for actual mom begins. Story can follow any genre you want, but ‘My Mother Is X’ formula shall bring you prosperity. Also, walk from wherever you are to Tirupati and pray to Lord Balaji, apart from adding the letter ‘K’ before your name.That will ensure Balaji Telefilms like success.
Start informing people. Tell them how useless financial markets are and how overhyped an MBA Finance degree is. Ganesha and the parrot say that this will help you to succeed financially!! I consulted the parrot on Stanwix Street in downtown Pittsburgh. Interestingly, its master, Lehman moved from Manhattan a month ago. Lehman was running a business with his brothers in New York. The parrot had correctly predicted that Lehman would lose everything unless he obeyed him. Today, the layman’s parrot has suggested that all bankers most focus on informing people through books, blogs, discourses and advertisements that the Art of Money Making Is Unknown.
• MMIX shows that ManMohan Is Changing. So, if elections are held, it should mean good news for BJP. If UPA wins, even then, Manmohan will certainly not be PM anymore.
• Lots of Indians will have kids in 2009 as MMIX also indicates Many More Indians X, where X indicates Multiplication sign. Population will increase and the Government will distribute free contraceptives in airports, railway stations and important bus stands.
• Magician Mandrake In Xanadu predicts that in 2009, Mumbai Mystery Is X (both Solved and Unsolved). This implies that for India, Mumbai attack mystery is solved while it shall remain unsolved for it friendly neighbor.
Ranga shall now follow the principle ‘My Mouth Is X’ (X = Shut) & sign off wishing whoever reads this a Happy New year!!