Peelasophy · random thoughts

Fast forward to the future

Our needs, wants and desires start right from the time we are born. Babies express their need for milk consumption by letting out wails. If left unattended, they are capable of generating very high decibel levels that can rattle the ear drums. The baby learns to get things by using ‘Cry strategy’ as an effective tool.

As the baby grows up and is discouraged to use this strategy, he / she starts to adopt different approaches at different stages of ages. From a mathematical perspective, here is a brief description of the step function:
X = what you want to get, Y = strategy and Z = age of the child
For Getting X, Strategy = Y, where

Y = Cry, when Z is between 0 and 4

Y = Keep asking again and again until you get X. If you don’t get X after asking 3 times, adopt Y = Cry
when Z is between 4 and 7

As Z increases, Y assumes different values like Threaten, Beat, Thrash, Run away, Creating a scene by any means, Working hard (for a change), Copying from neighbor’s exam paper, Carrying chit paper to exam hall, passing love letter through his / her best friend, offering bribes, creating sales pitches and doing what not.

Strategies change as X also keeps changing. With age, you need more things other than what Mr. Maslow talks about – food, shelter, security, sex, casual sex, phone sex, cyber sex, more food, better food, bigger home, money, stocks, bigger assets (assets not = silicone stuff, but the type you see in balance sheets prepared by anybody other than Ramalinga Raju’s men). In short, what you want, that is, the values of X can be infinite.

But, the world has witnessed a paradigm shift in its strategic thinking techniques to get at the right Y. It has been proven beyond doubt that the most effective technique ever adopted is pressing the Fast Forward button. That’s exactly what KCR did. He began to fast and short circuited the long struggle for a separate Telengana. It is another matter that after a day or two, when his stomach growled louder and barked at his brains, it was too late to step back. By then, some people had very intelligently committed suicide, vowing to take rebirth as Telengana activists again. The student community made sure that KCR was in a point of no return. Eat and die – don’t eat and die – what choices, no? No food or water for a man who had many troubled conditions – sugar, diabetes, headache, rising blood pressure, uprising youth, surprising global media propaganda, enterprising political supporters, terrorising political opponents; and nobody for apprising Sonia Ji of his deteriorating health. But the Fast forward worked when he succeeded in pulverising all anti-Telengana people, mostly comprising of his non-supporters, when as a birthday gift at midnight, Madam went about authorising the disintegration of Andhra Pradesh. KCR drank lemon juice and after several days of no food, even a sip must have felt like 4 tequila shots or few Patiala pegs of Chivas Regal.

Buoyed by the success of this Fast strategy, several things could happen in Man’s struggle to get what he wants.
A. If Ek Duje Ke Liye or QSQT type movie is remade today, the new strategy by lovers would be to fast until parents agree to unite them. The sensation hungry media can be counted upon to rush 3 teams, one each to the lovers’ fasting place and the respective parents’ homes for a Live TV show climax.
B. Direct Marketing divisions will have a blast. Imagine this: ”Hi, I am Jack Smith calling from XYZ company. You have to buy our product in the next 3 hours else I will go on a Fast unto Death mode”
C. Favorite Break fast item would be Lemon Juice. [By the way, a good Mallu friend, Leju Joseph, is planning to register a lemon juice brand after him, Le Ju]
D. Future ‘state’ fasters wearing T Shirts that says: Fast kills but thrills

But, hey did we miss something here? Sonia has said, “We will look into it”. It could be the ultimate futuristic Sicilian message from Sonia – a Godfatherly (err.. Godmotherly) offer that KCR could not refuse.
But I am convinced, if not for the recession and bad advertisement for the term, ‘sub-prime’, Manmohan’s designation could well be Sub-Prime Minister. Whither art thou, sir?


6 thoughts on “Fast forward to the future

  1. Dripping sarcasm – sheer genius sirji! very well written – conveys a lot of our anger in a wel-written way. 🙂

    Ranga: Thanks so much. writing style inspiration is Vernon God Little – I know u didnt like that book at all. This is also called vyangatmak shaili in Hindi, it seems.
    But see, now the demand for at least 7-8 more states have already come up. and obviously they are going to adopt Fast strategy. and india is going to get divided further.

  2. It’s a shame to watch the extent to which these buffoons go to win political mileage.. Dhool read thalai 🙂

    Ranga: Absolutely agree. and most unfortunate to watch all this. for every 5 glorious steps we take towards becoming the greatest country in the globe, such events make you go back 10 steps.
    Thanks for the compliment.

  3. What style Ranga!!! A true Champion – That’s what you are!Just for ur info, drawing inspiration from the Telengana Issue, a 4-day strike has been called in the Hills of Darjeeling by the Gorkha Jana Mukti Morcha, demanding a separate state(of Gorkhaland)!

    Ranga: I am glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for the encouragement dada, u r a true friend.
    This is just the start. But to be specific, it is a 4 day, 96 hour HUNGER strike. Bahut socha hoga before arriving at a 4 day timeline. ha ha … in the queue, we have several coming up – Mayawati’s 3 smaller states, Ajit Singh in MP / UP, 2 in Bihar and even Ramadoss hinting at TN breakup – poor farmers and food industry will suffer if no one eats anything 🙂

  4. Nice post. It seems lot of ppl got inspiration from this and racing on Fast speedways 🙂

    Ranga: Thanks Kantham. Fast speedways – ha ha 😉

  5. 11th Dec : how old is your daughter ?
    soniaji ….can’t comment on her
    other blog on bala saheb …excellent.
    U must come out with a book …& very soon.
    U also must venture out in business…& take me as ur partner…

    Ranga: My kid is almost 4 now. Gaurav, aap jaisa bada aadmi mujhey is laayak samjhaa yahi bahut hain. book – will keep at it. Thanks anyway 🙂

  6. that was a lovely post !!

    taking it to peelasophical level, in some life forms, there arises an X called spiritual freedom. And due to this conditioning , all the strategies are tried. And at a point , may be the being gets feds up and gives up the desire and the strategy . And aha there is peace …and at that moment the desire and more importantly the strategies are dropped.

    ok was that way too offtrack ?

    Ranga: Thanks, Had to read the comment a couple of times and then arrive at the conclusion that it was not offtrack. keep commenting

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