A friend risked his life and placed a bug to record the closed door conversation between Narayan Dutt Tiwari, Manmohan Singh and Sonia Gandhi.
Sonia: Just when I was asking Priyanka to work on our party’s brand management and strike a marketing deal specifically for Andhra, you ruin our Christmas party as well as our party’s 125th anniversary party. You should be ashamed of yourself.
MMS: Yes, you should be ashamed of yourself. Right from your UP days, these stories have been doing the rounds. Madam gave you Governor’s post and you are now another pain in the already extra pained butt of Madam.
Sonia: Oh, MMS. Let us hear from him what really happened.
NDT: First tell me what the marketing deal was?
Sonia: We thought of a Christmas present for you and wanted to tie-up with NDTV to show how Congress party is skillfully dealing with the Telengana issue. Also, we wanted to shift focus in Andhra by calling your vision as Narayan Dutt Tiwari’s Vision (NDTV) and co-brand it with the channel, NDTV. Priyanka was excited and so were the NDTV people. But you ruined everything, Tiwariji.
NDT: Oh. Actually, when I was the CM of UP, I knew this lady Radhika, who runs a dating website. She asked me for a mining lease and I requested her for help. Where does it say that an 85 year old man cannot date a 60 year old woman? Looking at the utter chaos in the state, I really wanted to be with a senior citizen lady with whom I could have a casual relationship and discuss the days of my struggles as a freedom fighter. Also, Radhika Dating Services promised me of guaranteed results.
Sonia: But the videos did not show you chatting with a 60 year old woman, Tiwariji. Those videos have been viewed again and again and it showed an entirely different story. The channel has been approached by some porn sites too, do you know? We are in deep trouble. MMS, pass the Italian wine please.
MMS: Yes, Madam is right, as always. So, madam, are you asking for a direct clarification or confession. Tell us the truth, Tiwariji.
NDT: It is all Radhika’s fault. And Soniaji, yours too, in a way. The local Telegu channel must have got wind of your upcoming deal with NDTV. So they placed hidden cameras in the bedroom of my office. See, what happened is that the dating site posted this ad:
“A high profile man with love for beauty and freedom seeks casual relationship with a 60 plus year old woman. His name is Narian Dutt Teennaari”.
That’s where poor spelling / language skills of the South Indian people screwed me up. Narian means women and Teennaari is Three Women! I had asked for sixty plus, and what they got me was 3 women whose ages added up to 60. Now I am doomed, given that those spy cameras were also there at the right place at the right time. How could you tie up with NDTV, madam, without asking me?
MMS: (angry and raising voice to 3.5 decibels) So, does madam have to discuss with you on everything?
Sonia: Just resign and run away for now, Tiwari. As Chief Problem Solver, I shall ensure those videos are removed. In 4-5 months time, we will show that the videos were not yours. Now, how are you going to confuse people? What is your emotional speech going to be?
NDT: Thanks madam. With so many new states coming up, please give me another state after 4-5 months, please. For now, I shall quote health reasons and say the usual stuff with the buzz words in no coherent manner: political conspiracy, Telengana issue, coastal rivalry, as a freedom fighter I shall continue to fight, political rivalry, this is sad and the nadir of political vendetta, merry Christmas, happy new year etc.
Sonia: New states will need governors, yes. But for now, don’t say anything about the party –Congress party or your orgy party.
MMS: Yes, yes. But you pointed finger at Sonia ji too. So, you should get power after at least 1 year, right, Soniaji?
Sonia: I gotta go now. MMS, is my speech ready? And hope you edited and removed Narasimha Rao from that speech.
NDT: Ok, bye. Who knew 2009 will end like this for me. 3 idiots is a great movie but these 3 idiots in bed have screwed my career. But, I shall be back, Watch out Telengana, AP, Gorkhaland, Mithilakhand, … or whatever Soniaji offers me as a gift for my loyalty and innocence when it is proved.
All 3 in unison: Happy New Year and wish the country a wonderful decade ahead.