Cricket · desi · indian culture · tamil

Indian cricket – in the eyes of the maamis

Front page news announced that BCCI now has no Sahara (support) from either the sponsor (Sahara) and we anyway know how much support it has from the general public in the aftermath of the overseas performances. While everybody has a point of view on the current Indian team’s dismal performances I was happy to hear the conversation of two neighborhood mamis while supervising my kids at the mall. It was time well spent.

To give you a quick overview of the Mamis’ representative profiles, well, they belong to the ubiquitous category of affluent looking mamis whose sons and (or) daughters are both settled in some part of the globe, usually USA, usually California or New Jersey.

The mamis started talking about a particular ad on TV that promotes a charm used to ward off the evil eye. It comes with a 2 month guarantee and I could recollect this silly ad that I too had seen with wifey while switching channels. As proof points, there are several examples chosen across multiple dimensions of life: business, marriage, education etc. Let me explain. For example, there is a girl who talks about how happy her family was when her marriage was fixed. Then, a particularly over jealous bua (aunt) visited them and when she came to know about the groom’s credentials, could not resist casting her evil eye. The end result was that for no apparent reason, the boy’s family sms-ed her dad announcing a permanent change in plans. Shattered dreams … and the girl gets very senti, is heartbroken with the revised downgrade of the family’s izzat (respect) rating in the society’s imaginary ‘Respect Stock Exchange’ … [more on this Exchange concept later …. As it is being worked upon]

So the ad shows the evil aunt looking at the top or starting point of the cleavage of this bride to be. Imagine a straight line from eye of the aunt to cleavage. Now imagine this line glowing … like the arrows in Ramayana shown during those Doordarshan days, once upon a time long ago, a really long time ago 😦

Fast forward to the present and the characters remain the same girl and the same aunt. The girl is now armed with the charm. It looks like a mini CD and is worn around the neck. A similar looking charm is worn around the wrist too. I think if you are a guy, you use the wrist charm. Just in case the cleavage is not visible and the evil eye is cast elsewhere you could raise your hand and ward off the evil eye bullets just like how Big B does in Shahenshah. He uses the hand to deflect bullets from Amrish Puri in the movie’s climax scene. [go to 2:08 in the link] The ad shows the aunt and the glowing stares, but this time, the charm protects the girl and she says that she now lives happily ever after.

So, moral of the story is that there are devices that can ward off the evil eye. And if you are wondering why the evil eye can be such a pain or why is it being discussed in today’s modern world … well, think again. At least read the Wikipedia’s gyan on the Evil Eye. It is amazing to see that more than 80 percent of the world’s cultures believe in the Evil Eye and take precautions to protect themselves against its ill effects.

Let us now get back to Mamis’ logical observations on Indian cricket:

The moment the series started and Indian batsmen started batting, the Aussies bowlers, after every ball, stared at our precious batsmen long enough to cast their evil eye. There is that extra jealousy around the Indians after we have lifted the World Cup. Along with the # 1 test ranking, Dhoni’s side and him, in particular, had to be affected by the evil eye effects … this is a no-brainer really. So, each stare of Siddle, Pattinson, Hilfenhaus showed how hard they had trained to channelize their negative energies to inflict pain and insult on the Indian team.
Gary Kirsten understood the value of the charms that Indian cricketers wore. Presented by their families or friends or even the fans, our bowlers and cricketers always wore them. For example, VVS Laxman always had a small thayathu (amulet) tied to his Arnaa Kayaru (a thread worn around the waist). After Kirsten was replaced by Fletcher, we see that he is completely unaware of the Indian culture. The ex-English coach simply doesn’t know the power of the Stare. He has no clue that in the future, cricket is going to witness Stare Wars between batsmen and bowlers. Fletcher has ignored simple facts that stare us in the eye.

Fletcher should see this ad or the generous cricket loving mamis plan to sponsor the amulets themselves before the next series can start. Going back to the arrow scene from Ramayana, if a tall Pattinson looks at Sachin, Sachin’s chain that will have this talisman shall reflect the evil eye back to Siddle … that way, if Sachin gets out, it would definitely be a no ball or the simplest of catches will be dropped. Soon, Sachin will reach his 199th international century. The mamis were even more creative. How about drawing the evil eye reflector in the middle of the bat itself, they discussed? That way the poor ball will get thrashed and we will win every match going forward, wont we?

One of them mamis, an astronomically inclined, horoscope matching one, declared that Dhoni’s Shukra Dasa has ended and he is destined to lead in only 2 formats. Sakshi, his wife will stay loyal and continue to support him. Dravid should call Swami Deewaranandam and do Puja for the Wall to make sure that the gap between bat and pad is back to zero. She even knew from some secret sources that his pads were being given an anti-eyeing coat of special powder. Sreesanth is learning Chota Chetan activity services to be able to come back to the Indian team as a black magic consultant, tasked with the sole job of protecting the Indian team. He will now be seen bowling black magic yorkers and bouncers at the opposition teams. Sources from the mami’s circles report that he was last seen piercing needles inside a small toy that looked like a miniature version of a certain Sardarji who has not taken a single wicket even in the Ranji format. The Paaji has lost his passport and chances of a comeback seem more remote. Other cricketers and evil eye consultants are secretly doing various things to pursue a career in cricket.
Our political babus, movie stars and every other individual is scared of the supernatural forces and we keep hearing about strange rituals, pujas and offerings to please the Gods. Every full moon / No moon day witnesses the ruthless breaking of pumpkins, pouring red powder (kumkum / vermilion) into the pumpkin before dumping them on the roads. These are supposedly a substitute of animal sacrifices and the red color of the kumkum represents ‘A positive’ blood for the Gods. So, gods are non-vegetarian lovers but can do with vegetarian food if cooked in non-veg masalas, I guess!

While I was wondering all these, the wonderful mamis hoped that their courier of special Viboothi sent through Jadeja does have an impact. Jalaja mami even called him Namma Paiyyan (our local boy, now that he has become the latest CSK whistle putting addition). Terms like ‘I am eyeing for a spot in the team’ will have a hidden meaning here-on.

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One thought on “Indian cricket – in the eyes of the maamis

  1. Hey Ranga – I had to search for your blog to find out whether you’re alive 🙂 While reading it up (as usual skimmed over the pages) I realized you claim to have L++ blood type and hence have’nt been able to catch up with me for a loooong time !! Email me at the email id given.

    Cheers
    Arun of Provider fame 😉

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