There is one scene in Matrix Reloaded (Matrix 2) where Carie-Anne Moss (Trinity!) rides on her Ducati bike with the key maker …. Awesome adrenaline rush when you watch it as she skillfully maneuvers at a very high speed on the wrong side of the road with vehicles whizzing past. Actual speed is much higher due to the effects of relative speed equations. Now, imagine the same scene if YOU are in a car and you see a crazy rider with or without the key maker behind the rider, approaching you. That will certainly be a scary scene for majority of people.
Now imagine the relative speed reduced to about 1/100th because you are going at 5-10 kmph and the opposite rider is casually approaching you at any speed between 0 to 50 kmph. There is no adrenaline rush but simply anger and related emotions that follow. The extent of anger is proportional to the speed of the vehicles and width of the roads, usually. The speed reduction is mainly due to traffic congestions or road conditions … at least, if you are in Chennai, where the roads are dug up for Metro rail. By the way, the pits seem to be eagerly awaiting the rain gods to send tenants in the form of rainwater drops. The rainwater, in turn shall offer mosquitos, garbage and sometimes even human beings as rentals to the ditches as long as they get to stay in these open spaces as ‘joint’ families with other rain droplets. There are a few H2O Villas found across the city and the government has worked overtime to complete the ditches just in time for the monsoon season. It also helped that the season has seen a delay in the migratory rain droplets arriving to this part of the world. Now, I need to return to the original topic of driving on the wrong side of the road.
Unfortunately, if I were to count the number of times I encounter the experience every single day on my way to office; it is always greater than 4. So, you can imagine the number of people who are inspired by that Matrix Reloaded scene (knowingly or unknowingly). At times, I also get to see SUVs or sedans use the other side of the road.
Today, as I crossed a temple to the left, I muttered a prayer. Wish we had a Superhero called Mamu The Cop. Mamu would be The One to punish these offenders. Imagine a khaki uniform clad superhero with a flowing khaki gown descending from the skies each time an ass broke a traffic rule … somebody who could multiply himself and could appear from nowhere whenever such an incident took place. Again, a Rakthabheeja inspired scenario …. My guess is that if my prayer were to get answered, within a second, thousands of Mamus would appear on the streets. They (or he) would stop the bike or car and give one tight slap across the face of the offender. Mamu would wear a metallic glove with a donkey’s design on it. Upon hitting the left cheek of the offender, the donkey’s imprint would stay on the cheek (something like the voter’s ink). The first time offender would have the donkey’s stamp on his or her face for 1 month. The next time, the slap would be of higher impact causing it to stay for 1 year, then 10, and then forever.
The Mamu multiplier theorem: If a Mamu does not catch an offender during any 1 hour interval, then that Mamu would die.
Rider: Deep inside I do hope that these thousands of Mamus die in a week and never have to return to Chennai ever again. If any two or more Mamus are found fighting to slap a single offender, those fighting Mamus would die and a new Mamu shall be born instead. This Mamu would get to hit both cheeks of the offender.
By the way, a piece of gossip you might be interested in knowing and passing on to your friends:
Just found this on a Chennai based job portal:
Wanted Mamu … should have strong hands to keep slapping people’s left cheeks. RightSide Road Ltd shall provide free metallic gloves with graphic designs and khaki superhero costumes and invisible parachutes etc. Adventure seekers and superhero lovers to respond to firstname.lastname@example.org